Domestic abuse

If you are in immediate danger, call the Police on 999.

Silent Solution provides information for when you are calling 999, and unsafe to speak. If you need urgent police help but cannot speak, you should:

1. Dial 999
2. Listen to the questions from the operator
3. Respond by coughing or tapping your device if you can
4. If prompted, press 55 to let the operator know it's a genuine emergency and you'll be put through to police

Emergency SMS is a service for deaf, hard of hearing and speech-impaired people in the UK

To report an incident to Lincolnshire police, visit the Lincolnshire Police website.

However, you have kept yourself safe up until now, there may come a time where the safest option for you is to leave your home. Please make sure you have considered your options very carefully and have sought advice, if possible, to do so.

The following organisations may help you to decide your safest option:

• Shelter
• Women’s Aid
• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) 
• Mankind

If you feel you are at risk of harm and need to leave your home, try to arrange to stay with family or friends, if it is safe. You should also make enquiries about refuge or temporary accommodation. Do not make the decision to give up your home permanently, until you have obtained legal advice.

You can get information on refuge and temporary accommodation from the following organisations:

• Edan Lincs
• LDASS

If you have no accommodation to go to, and refuge is not suitable, please consider contacting your local District Council for further housing options.

It is not always easy to know how to support a friend or family member who is experiencing domestic abuse. But you can make a difference. Recognising the abuse and being there for someone is an important first step.

They may be feeling shame, guilt or even believe that the abuse is their fault. They may be concerned about their children or a family pet, or the threat of harm against them. They may fear that they are alone and have no support or have been told that no one will believe them.

Basic steps you can take

Do not be afraid to talk to someone who you think needs help. Try to be direct, tell them you are worried about them and concerned for their safety and want to help. Please make sure it is safe for them to talk and take their lead in this. The abuser may be tracking their phone or have access to their messages or phone calls. Try and meet up in a private space away from the abuser.

Offer reassurance that that the abuse is not ‘normal’ and not their fault. No one deserves to be hurt, threatened, or controlled and that abusive behaviour can never be justified.

Don’t tell a person experiencing abuse to leave or criticise them for staying. It is important that your friend/family member feels able to talk to you even if they stay in the relationship.

Give them time to open up. It takes a great deal of strength to trust someone enough to confide in them about experiencing abuse. Please do not give up on them if they backtrack, it usually takes several attempts for someone to seek support, it is important that your friend or family member knows you are they when they are ready to talk.

Abusers often isolate their victims from friends and family. Help your friend/family member develop and/or sustain contact with other people. This can help to boost self-esteem.

Support your friendor family member to engage with support services who can tailor a service to their needs. Please don’t force them to get support if they do not feel ready, or safe enough to do so.

Offer to go with them to see the GP or go to hospital if they disclose physical or sexual abuse, and if they feel able to do so.

Do not put yourself in a dangerous situation by offering to talk to the abuser. It will only make the situation worse for the person being abused.

A safety plan will help you protect yourself and your children. It will also help you think about how you can increase your safety both within the relationship, and if or when you decide to leave.  

Only your partner can change their behaviour and end the patterns of violence and abuse they are responsible for, but there are things you can do to minimise the risk of harm to you and your children.

5 safety planning tips

1. Always ensure you have a clear route or exit if you need to leave the property quickly, this may include having a spare house key or car key to hand. If you can’t leave the property, take yourself to a safe area of the house, such as a room with a lock on, so you can call for help if needed.
2. Try and obtain a burner phone and keep somewhere safe, save some key numbers, such as your local GP, Friends and family or even the number of a local refuge.
3. Keep important documents together somewhere safe, including any ID such as a passport.
4. Try and keep some money or cash aside or if you can, open up a separate bank account. 
5. Have a small bag together with clothes, medications, important items such as documents, phone, and cash. Keep this somewhere safe, this could be with a friend or at your workplace. This will ensure you have essentials if you decide to leave.

To read more about keeping your activity safe, please go to Women's Aid Cover Your Tracks Online webpage. 

Experiencing domestic abuse with children in the home can add extra complexities and worries for the non-abusive parent. The abuser alone is responsible for their actions. For children and young people growing up experiencing or witnessing domestic abuse, this can be the only example of what a relationship looks like, having an impact on the future relationships that they form.

Young people can experience domestic abuse, regardless of gender. This can include sexual, physical, emotional, financial as well as coercive control and harassment. When children and young people experience domestic abuse, this can lead to them feeling a range of emotions. Some children and young people may feel intense anger which could lead to aggressive behaviour towards parents or carers.

If you are a young person who is struggling with processing your feelings around what you have experienced; or you are a parent or carer who would like further support, please consider speaking to the education safeguarding lead or contacting the safeguarding referral line on 01522 782111.

Clare’s Law, also known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS), is a police policy giving people the right to know if their current or ex-partner has any previous history of violence or abuse. Visit the Clare's Law website to learn more.

Under Clare’s Law, you have the right to: Make an application to the police requesting information about your current or ex-partner, because you are worried, they may have been abusive in the past and believe they may pose a risk to you in future.

Request information from the police about the current or ex-partner of a close friend, neighbour, or family member, because you are concerned that they might be at risk of domestic abuse in future. This is called the ‘right to ask.’  
 

If you have a family pet, this will be a big concern for you if you are planning to leave, much temporary accommodation, including refuges, do not allow pets. If you need assistance, don’t let having pets stop you from leaving.

There are charities who offer free support for you and have volunteers who will temporarily rehome your dog or cat until you find yourself alternative accommodation.

Support for pets

• Dogs Trust can help with dog rehoming
• Cats protection can help with cat rehoming
• RSPCA can help with rehoming a range of pets including small animals, birds and reptiles

A forced marriage is when one or both parties have not agreed to marry and have been forced to do so against their will. Most cases involve young women and girls aged between 13 and 30 years, although there is evidence to suggest that as many as 15% of victims are male.

A forced marriage is different to an arranged marriage. An arranged marriage is an agreement between both parties entered into freely. It is a practice that has been successful in many cultures for many years.

The government has issued information on how the Forced Marriage Unit can provide help. Visit the GOV.UK website to learn more.

Visit the Lincolnshire police website to read their information about forced marriage.

Victim Lincs has also produced information about forced marriage. Visit the Victim Lincs website to learn more.

'Honour'-based abuse is often referred to as 'so-called' because there is a need to be clear that there is no honour in abusing someone. 'Honour'-based abuse is often carried out to prevent, or as a result of, the victim being thought to be bringing shame on their family or the wider community. Transgressions can be relatively minor, but the consequences are significant, potentially resulting in the victim’s death.

Although women and girls are often seen as the main victims of 'honour'-based abuse, men and boys can be victims, too. More recently, there has been a move to highlight the under-reported issue of male victims of 'honour'-based abuse. Male victims may be those deemed to be in an inappropriate relationship, gay or supporting the victim of other abuse.
 

There are many parallels between LGBT+ people’s experiences of domestic abuse and that of their heterosexual cisgender peers. This includes the impact on the survivors and a range of violent behaviours which may include psychological, physical, sexual, financial and emotional abuse, forced marriage and so-called ‘honour’-based violence.

In addition, LGBT+ people may also have their sexuality and gender identity used against them as a tactic for the abuser to keep the power and control in the relationship.

There are some kinds of domestic abuse that can be based on your orientation or gender identity.

These can include: 

• Threatening to disclose your romantic or sexual orientation, gender identity, gender history, or HIV status without your consent  
• Coercive and controlling behaviour around your romantic or sexual orientation or gender identity
• Pressuring you to keep your identity or relationship secret
• Denying that LGBT+ people in intimate relationships can experience domestic abuse
• Isolating you from family, friends, and the LGBT+ community
• Undermining your romantic or sexual orientation or gender identity
• Using your hormones or gender-affirming medication to control you
• Trying to change or suppress your orientation or gender identity

LGBT+ people may be manipulated into believing that there is no help available to them because they are LGBT+.  They may also be told that abusive behaviours are ‘normal’ in LGBT+ relationships, or that LGBT+ cannot experience domestic abuse. Abuse from family members is sometimes not recognised as abuse and written off as a 'family dispute' or having 'different values'.  

Galop provide a range of services and work in partnership with other agencies to offer wide-ranging support to LGBT+ victims and survivors

Have you harmed someone you love? Whether you’ve been abusive or violent once, twice or many times. There’s probably a pattern to the things you do. We encourage you to reflect on your behaviours and how they have harmed others. Becoming aware of how you’re acting will help you take control of your behaviours and ultimately stop.

If you want to change your behaviour; you can contact the Respect phoneline for confidential advice and support to get information to help you stop being violent and abusive to your partner or family member. The Respect phoneline also offers help for partners and family of perpetrators.

Visit the Respect Men's advice website or call on 0808 8024040.

The scheme is open to all victims of domestic abuse who reside in the district and want to remain in their current home. You may have also heard it referred to as Sanctuary scheme.

Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse. The aim of the scheme is to provide additional security measures to your property, by carrying out building works (recommended by the Police Crime Reduction Officer) that make it difficult for unwanted visitors to gain access to the property. This helps victims remain in their home and feel safe.

Often victims feel scared, helpless and ashamed, because they have lost their confidence and self-esteem. Professionals understand these feelings and are here to support you. Our aim is to make sure that you are safe and give you the support you need.

The scheme can be available to:

• Council tenants
• Housing association tenants
• Private tenants
• Owner-occupiers

Each year more than 75,000 people in the UK are at imminent risk of being murdered or seriously injured as a result of domestic abuse:

• 93% of these victims are female
• 7% are male
• 17% are from Black, Asian or racially minoritised communities
• 10% are disabled
• 1.6% are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or trans (LGBT+)

Approximately 30,200 people aged 16 to 74 are experiencing domestic abuse per year in Lincolnshire.